Auctions are a sort of giant melting pot of people. They seem to bring out folks that would never be found in a group in any other setting or venue. I go to a lot of auctions and always come away with a story, anecdote, or new pet peeve...sometimes I can only shake my head. Here are a few of the people I've met at public auction.

The Bidder... this is everyone with a bid card. Some bidders have this really quick, sharp grabbing motion, while others make a slightly perceptible nod of the head to place there bid. Some folks wink, some wave, some raise their card at every bid, some just hold it up and leave it. However one chooses to bid is okay, as long as the ring people and auctioneer get your message.

The Know It All... this is the guy with a comment for every item held up, he either has a better one, sold a more expensive one, or knows more about one than anyone else. Every thing he purchases is a great deal, while everything everybody else buys is either garbage, broken or not worth the price.

The Volunteer Ringman... this guy can't help himself. Although I have never had the urge to start pointing and yelling out "Ya! Ya!", I guess maybe there is a latent ringman lurking within some of us. They think they are helping the auction company but they are really only confusing a situation that was in control.

The Should've Bid... this one drives me crazy! They are the ones that wait until I buy something and then come up and explain that they really wanted "that thing" and "will I sell it to them?". It's hard to tactfully tell someone that I do plan on selling it, but just not right now. Now please don't get me wrong, when the ringers start making a pile and they finally throw on an item I want, I'm happy to let the crowd have a free for all on the rest of the plunder.

The Can't Wait... these are the folks who want to talk while you are trying to bid. Whether or not a bidder is buyer for resale or not, your conversation can probably wait.

The "Should've Bids" invariably do this.

The Visitor... this person looks forward to a sale like many of us look forward to a family reunion. They set up a lawn chair in the shade, patronize the food concession, and have a good old visit. This person is perfectly harmless unless they turn into...

The Wall... the wall is formed by those who don't bid because their interest lies not in buying, but in being able to "see" the items up for sale. They invariably have an extra large derriere, a huge flowered hat, or a baby stroller.

The Merchandise Mover... this is the person who's time is more valuable than anyone else at the sale. They take items they are interested in from another table, an offer them up to the auctioneer to sell. Sounds harmless enough, except that others that may have wanted to bid on that item are now unaware that it has been moved and up for sale.

The Didn't Understand... this is the person who, even though it has been explained, didn't realize that "times the bid" meant that set of six chairs was $25 x 6, not $25 for 6.

The Sniper... this is the bidder who bides his time, waiting for the last possible moment to throw up his card. Sometimes the auctioneer will play that game early in the sale, but by the time the entire crowd is hot, hungry and tired, it's doubtful.

The Scarfer... watch out! They come out late in the sale like a wild vacuum cleaner and suck up everything that's not nailed down, including the stuff you couldn't carry in this trip to the truck.

Okay now, since I don't want any of you to think I don't have some good things to say about folks at an auction, and since most of the aforementioned can be laughed off and forgotten, here are the ones I choose to remember. All the nice folks who have helped us load, let us leave stuff overnight at their sale site, loaned me sunscreen, a jacket, a buck, or a shot of Bailey's for my coffee on a cold day.

Visit Phyllis at Wonderland Antiques,
217 S. Main, Palestine, IL or online at
URL: www.wonderlandantiques.com - e-mail
Phone: 618-586-2334.

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